How To Avoid An Argument During Corona (COVID-19) Quarantine/ Lockdown!
How To Avoid An Argument During Corona (COVID-19) Quarantine/ Lockdown!
Hello friends,
You all must be surprised by reading the title. Most of you still thinking, "Is it really possible?"
I would like to confidently say that, "Yes! It is possible."
In this corona (COVID-19) scare, the entire world is in home quarantine or lock down. Naturally if we all are in 24*7 so called 'house arrest' and there is a pretty good chance that we might get into any argument with the people we are living in the house. To avoid your emotional turmoil I am offering you a simple yet extremely effective technique to maintain your happiness and peace of mind and eventually contributing to the happiness and peace in the house.
Before starting to write on this topic i would like a bring up scientific fact which is the base of this entire topic.
The fact is-' Our mind is constantly reacting to thoughts or situations or anything which gets its attention.' Most of us will agree with this fact but few among you all have some doubts about it.
Let me explain it in detail. If you observe, from the moment a person is born the brain is getting developed to react to hunger and survival. As the person grows the mind also grows too, reacting to more number of things the brain learns about. The mind is like a monkey constantly jumping from thought after thought, situation after situation. It just cannot stop, until you sleep, unconscious or dead."
Coming to the main topic now.
Whenever someone says something or behaves in a manner which you may like or dislike your mind is constantly reacting to it. You get feeling or emotions depending on the fact that you like it or dislike it. If you like, your mind may react with good feelings or emotions such as happiness, funny, calm, soothing, romantic, peaceful, etc. If you dislike your mind may react with negative feelings or emotions such as anger, grudge, irritation, rude, hurt, etc. You may not react with words but your mind is definitely reacting these feelings.
In any argument anger plays a major role. So you must understand how the anger manifests in the first place.
How anger manifests:
You usually argue with those who are close to you or whom you know through work or otherwise.
Such person says something to offend you creates anger in your mind. Most of you may not react with words but if the person offending you keeps on talking soon you may react with words. The anger pile up in your mind like water rushing in a sinking ship. Soon you cannot resist and produce a verbal abuse and in some worst case scenario, physical abuse. Nobody wants to do it in the first place but you find it hard to resist to react to the offending person.
The person you're arguing with could be your grandmother, grandfather, mother, father, sister, brother, wife, husband, son, daughter, grandson , granddaughter, girlfriend, boyfriend, friend, colleague.
The other person whom you get into argument also has a mind which reacts in similar manner. So the point of who offended first doesn't make any difference because as the reactions or abuses from both sides starts coming up the anger starts to pile up more and more on both sides. It's like a war where soldiers from both sides are hurting each other and no one is winning. Hence now you know how a arguments develops in the first place.
Steps on how to avoid an argument:
1) Be self aware:
Whenever you get into any argument, shift your entire focus or attention on your breathing. Yes you're reading it right! You may ask me how is this possible in the first place. An angry person is so focused on giving reactions to the person he/she is arguing with, that they find it really difficult to focus attention to anything apart from argument. But you have to do it.
Being self aware can be done by simple meditation practices which I explained in earlier article on
By following this meditation practice you'll find yourself easily shifting your attention to breathing even in the middle of argument. But for now you have to shift your attention or focus to breathing with all your might while arguing.
When you shift your attention to your breathing your entire focus gets shifted from focusing on argument to breathing. This cuts down the vicious cycle of chain of reactions set in argument from your side. You will find your mind calming down and getting less affected with the words which hurt you earlier. Once this happens you will realize that you have not only calm yourself down but also saved your relationship with the other person.
2) Control your reactions:
Controlling your reactions is of utmost importance. I do not mean to suppress them. That would be wrong. As I said earlier, shifting your focus and being self aware reduces the intensity of your reactions. So by shifting your focus to breathing you control your reaction.
This also needs to be coupled with one important realization. That is-' What is more important, argument or the person?
Most of us are so focused on winning the argument that we tend to forget that the person we are arguing with is important to us. Arguments are part of life. We humans speak so we argue. But always remember that any person is far more important than any argument or your own ego fueling the argument.
Once you start being self aware and controlling your reactions during any argument, the person whom you're arguing also acknowledges it. Eventually they see that you control your anger and other negative emotions effectively and they wish they could do the same. Nobody likes the negative feelings or emotions. They start respecting because they can see that you value them over your own ego and any eventual arguments. Person who controls their mind diligently always finds happiness and peace of mind. Nothing is out there, it's all within you. You've to decide to burn yourself inside or to keep yourself happy and peaceful.
Finally I would like to sum up in something I wrote:
"The words of offender doesn't make any difference,
Your reaction to it, make all the difference."
Thank you! Be happy and peaceful in your mind!
-Dr. Girish Gaikwad.
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